I know this warning will come to late for Many many people, think of it as a Public Service announcement with the speed of a new voicemail notification. We all know how slowly those can be delivered, generally once all relevance is lost. But here’s the warning.

Turning off your brain will not protect you from Michael Bay’s latest Sensory Assault.

It just simply won’t. My head feels lighter since my viewing of Transformers: RotF (RotF). I seem to have lost part of my brain forever, I hope with all my soul it’s the part that blithely accepts stupid shit and pays 11 Bucks to sit through it.

This is not a review of the film, such a review would have no effects on RotF’s apparent ability to brainwash viewers and kill at the box office. No this is the mother of all rants on one of the major contributing factors to the loss of the “Lobe of Stupidity” that I lost in theaters that night.

It’s a little thing called a Script or to target things better a Plot or Storyline.

My main question as a writer myself was…where was it?

Granted at the beginning …. nearly we find out that somehow, I repeat SOMEHOWthey managed to like cover the whole first movie up. Especially that you know really difficult to follow battle in Los Ange…erm Nation City. No wonder the National Debt is so insanely huge.

This is done to facilitate the Military and the Autobots working together to take on rogue Decepticons. Not to mention that there’s TWO shards of that Cube lying around. One apparently wadded up in a shirt that Sam hasn’t washed or used in a very long time.

Ooops this is sounding like my hate filled review I’ve been composing in my head.

Suffice it to say that the film might as well have been written over lunch breaks, on napkins, with crayons. It’s almost as if Orci and Kurtzman didn’t give a shit. And they probably didn’t.

The general consensus seems to be. More robot fighting + more robot action – pesky humans + inane comedy = $$$$$$$ Not to mention perfection.

What hurts the most is that these two writers do actually know how to write. See Star Trek.

Just a few of my favorite moments of stupidity:

  • 1: The most expensive cover-up in history.
    2: Welcome to Hot Babe University.
    3: The Chip off the Cube puts images in his brain. (If it etched them like it did the directions on his grandfathers glasses in the first film…that would..really hurt and probably do untold damage).
    3: God his room mate is annoying…and NOT funny.
    4: We’re in the middle of the city, wait no we’re in an industrial park, wait no we’re in a forest.
    5: 90 minutes of boring ass filler and not funny humor.
    6: Wait hold on the Air and Space Museum backs onto The Desert and the Airplane Junkyard?!?!
    7: Somehow the Pyramids at Giza and this place where the Device of Stupidity has been sealed up are apparently right next to each other. And not only that but right near to the village that looks like the village that Skoropnok battle around in the first film. When in fact they’re hundreds of miles apart.
  • I could go on and on.

    Suffice it to say that in retrospect they didn’t shoot this with a script they shot it with an outline…and location list.

    And in conclusion it pisses me the hell off that Drek such as this makes much more money than oh another movie that has robots in it called Terminator: Salvation. A movie that had a heart, and a much better script, and atually had characters and scenarios that I found myself really caring about. Oh and Terminator: Salvation didn’t have 90 minutes of pointless filler.

    Ross Out.

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