Yes I have bitten the bullet and seen Avatar. How could I not see Avatar? How could I not give the self proclaimed King of the World James Cameron one more chance to wow me.  The anticipation for this film has been huge, and from a personal standpoint, I really wanted Jim to get it right. I wanted to be floored by the awesome. However the more I heard and saw about Avatar in the build up to release the more I had a dreaded feeling that Avatar was NOT for me.

That said the awesome was awesome. Unfortunately everything other than SOME of the things I saw was far below the level of awesome.

I have been skeptical of the whole idea of Avatar for a very long time, and the trailers even on my 42 inch Plasma TV did NOTHING for me. Were they beautiful yes, but I felt NOTHING for these blue creatures, nothing they just did not appeal to me. I will note that Neytiri is practically the only character that worked for me.

Her character was alive.

Pandora itself was in fact brought to life very well, though why the Na’vi use 6 legged horses to traverse high thick tree branches is anyones guess. The air was full of creatures from gnats to funky lemurs, to erm funky rhinos…to erm giant fucking dragons that look like super huge variants of the NTI’s from Jim Cameron’s far superior film The Abyss.

Where this film totally falls on its face is the story, the story is about as old as the Bible but about one billionth as interesting. Jim supposedly wrote Avatar a long ass time ago tapping his inner four…erm…fourteen year old.

156 pages, that apparently no one checked for one scintilla of original story, in fact when Cameron brought the script before the reps at FOX they pretty much told him.

Dude this is a big fucking trainwreck fix this shit or go somewhere else.

Cameron went somewhere else, apparently Disney of all places, and Fox “came to their senses” and welcomed Jim back with open arms.

Of course he hadn’t fixed the script at all.

USB Planet.

Giant fucking Dragons.

Ebil Humans.

One really fucking huge dragon that is counquered by Sully by a Fade to Black…WTF!?!?!

Hack and Slash rainforest destruction.

And a speech lifted from Braveheart.

Floating mountains that have waterfalls…that’s right….waterfalls…from somewhere.

Seriously if your one original line that’s supposed to be quotable is something about eating eyes and jujubees…your script is in need of serious help.

Will you be in shock and awe absolutely.

And the amazing visuals, and usually for Cameron this is enough to carry the day, however when half of the visuals drop the ball in some way or another and you’re treated to yet another of the seemingly endless montages with characters you haven’t managed to develop any concern over you will be in shock and awe of just how freaking boring the film is.

This is perhaps the most threadbare of all of Camerons films, and about the only thing that helps it now is the size of screen its on. Once this flick heads home, then the afterlife of the film will become clear as folks realize that without the overwhelming grandure of the huge screen, that the story is the most uninvolving pastiche Cameron has ever put on paper.

If Cameron had taken the time to fix the practically plagarized script, and put some much needed life into things I might not be as frustrated as I am by Avatar.

And that’s the shame of things, this could have been epic, it could have been fantastic on all levels. Instead you get a pretty looking film on the outside, and it looks so pretty because it’s so fake. And it looks so pretty to cover up the ugly story that even FOX Camerons pals didn’t like one bit.

It’s like Cameron realized he was up against it so he made things as pretty as possible.

Unfortunately now it’s become clear to me that since oh The Abyss Camerons films have been all about awe and amazing visuals and so-so ideas to cover up some of the worst writing in major motion pictures today.

Eventually even with all the plastic surgery aging starlets look fake, and Avatar is Camerons starlet.

It’s getting old Jim, let someone else write your films, perhaps then the writing will match the look.

I’m sorry but I can recommend Avatar because all you’ll get is just pretty visuals, and no story. Or one you’ve heard a zillion times before, not to mention better.

Ross Out.

Advertisements